A TRUE FRIEND

"A friend loves at all times. . ." - (Proverbs 17:17, NIV). 



Years ago a friend was talking to me about some people being "cursed with the affliction to give advice." At the time I had no idea what he was talking about. Sure sounded strange to me. Now I understand. 

According to Webster's Dictionary, people "offering. . .unwanted advice" are officious. They can also be obnoxious. Such advice can be and often is a thinly veiled criticism.


I'm not talking about going to a lawyer or an accountant or a car mechanic or whatever where we need and are asking for professional advice. What I'm talking about is when we share our struggles and feelings with a friend and they have a compulsion to tell us what we should or shouldn't be doing, or to "fix" us. They are in fact putting us down in that they are assuming that they know our needs
better than we know them ourselves.


Even when some people want us to tell them what to do, it is a much greater help not to tell them what we think they should do, but to help THEM come up with their own options and solutions. This is what a good counselor does. He helps clients see what their options are and decide for themselves what they need to do.


What I want from a friend when I am feeling in the pits is someone to listen to me with their heart, give me their presence, and accept me as I am—and let me know they care—without giving any kind of advice or trying to fix me.


These friends can be rare. Even rarer is the friend who knows how to weep with those who weep.


In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."


May God help us all to be this kind of a friend.

What's in a Name?

"But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, 'Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.'" - Matthew 1:20–21 (NIV).


One tragedy is when a parent repeatedly calls his / her child a negative name such as "stupid" or "clumsy." Chances are, the child will grow up to believe that this is true, act accordingly, and also have a very poor self-image. Calling anyone a bad name is very destructive. The exact opposite is true when parents call their children positive and affirming names.


The greatest name of all was Jesus. His name means Savior. He was given this name by God, showing to all who hear or use his name who he is. As another has said, his name "teaches us the purpose of his incarnation. It is his human name reminding us that he who is God also became man. Peter made much of this name in the healing of the crippled beggar, and declared that there is no other name sufficient for our salvation."


Speaking about Jesus, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "His name is not so much written but plowed into the history of the world."


For those of us who have invited Jesus into our heart and life as personal Savior and Lord, it is of great comfort to know that he has written our name in his Book of Life. It will be interesting to know what meaning he has given to it. I believe it will describe who he wants us to be and what he wants us to do.  Whatever it is, may he help us to discern that and live up to it!